Emptyness

I felt....empty. It's nearly a year or so after she left. Even though I glad I'm single, yes I really mean it. More time to do my stuff like gaming, listening to music and modding stuff and more time to read the internet to gain knowledge, about stars, galaxy, computers, electronics and funny stuff..... but I can't ignore the feeling that I'm alone.

Its been a moment of silence. Marit Larsen were right, silence do speaks louder than words, and its deafening. I can't ignore it, I miss her laugh, her cute face and her cute voice that haunts me every now and then, even thogh I do say I hate that to her, actually deep inside me that is the thing I like about her. I just don't have the time to tell her. My ego is too high. I never dream of her though, ever, no matter what I do. That is funny because usually I will dream something I liked the most, Marit Larsen for example, I dream of her plenty of times. I even wrote something about the dream. We forgot 50% of the dream when we woke up so usually I kept a pen/pencil and a piece of paper near my bed to wrote anything if I have a good dream. Reading them seems funny now. I felt like, is that really what I dream off? And chuckled a bit from the weirdness of the dream.

Yes, you may say good that you single! You could date virtually anyone you like, but that's not me at all. I prefer to stick to one person. Although Islam permits to marry up to 4 person at a time, I don't really want it. Handling one person is more than enough for me, handling 4 is like try to juggling grenades, besides a ring of fire, on a stage, in front of the live TV. For now I quit looking for girls, even the most brilliant of girls I date is weird and hard to understand, I pray to Allah to gave me a good wife, someone that could guide me, and we guide each other, to complete my foolish self, it doesn't need to be very pretty, but good enough for my eye to see each time I woke up the bed. That is all I asked for. I don't need money, money can't buy happiness, but a person could make me the happiest person alive.

I'm a miserable person, I have tough childhood with bully cases and family problem. Even though its just the thing of the past, but things like that resides in my brain for all eternity. I'm hoping, Allah please. I need someone, someone who could hold me when I'm fall, who could cheer me up when I'm down, who supporting me behind my back. Who doesn't care about my being. I'm not handsome, I'm not wealthy, I just need...love....